I miss having a Journal.

I haven't been keeping track of my life lately, but I can't say that I dont know why.

I've decided that today is just a good day as any to start a Journal.

I want so much from life. But I dont even know who the hell I am. What I want changes from day to day and I feel like 5 people shoved into a single body. There is a part of me who want to go to college and become a successful doctor with her own practice. There is another part who wants to have a child, and stay at home to raise him/her. There is a part of me that just wants to give up. There is another part still that wants to just find someone to love. I feel like I never want to leave Ludington, but at the same time, I would give anything to start over completly. I live a contradiction.

i hate when bad things happen to good people...

my dad dropped off his extra table and chair set today. he also brought a butt load of food and dishes (pots and pans and the such) and we washed it all and found a home for it too. it was fun..

i sorted my stuff into boxes designating where things are going to go once the rest of my stuff is here.

we did laundry and he taught me how to fold towels like they did at the motel.. its sooo cute! my washcloth looked way better... :  )

then my mom called and we had dinner at their apartment.. it was yummy!

now that we're getting settled in...its starting to feel like home here. and i like it.

we just fit togethet so well we cant figure out why we didnt do this sooner... but then we do ... and want to punch her in the face... but whatever..

but its good that we didnt. i love matt to death and im so happy that i got to spend two and half years of my life with him. he's still like my best friend and we hang out all the time. which makes me very greatfull. when i see how sean and c.b. are.. it makes me sad that they couldnt just be mature.. i know he tried. really hard... but whats  the point in continuing to be civil to someone that throws stuff at you and hits you everytime they get pissed?

i dont know how anyone could want to hit him... or even be mean to him... he is this increadibley sweet guy... and i love him sooo much. he seems so fragile... like a baby... a tiny baby... i just want to hold him all the time...

classes start monday.. im not looking forward to collegiates... not at all... grrrrrr.... i am excited for bioethics though.  its going to be sweeet! then tues and thurs are jam packed... stats, comp 1, collegiates, a + p II...  i have classes on thursday from 9:30-9:30 dont worry i get two breaks in there somewhere.. i think

going to the mall tommorow with matt. should be a great time.. it usually is..

i miss all the crazy anchorman quotes i used to use all the time.. so hear it goes.

"i killed a man

yeah brick i saw that

i stabbed a man through the heart with a trident

year brick i've been meaning to talk to you about that, you should probably lay low for a couple days...."

ahhhh! yay!

ahhh...

life has been pretty interesting lately..

but i couldnt be happier. i love my gilbs... living with him is like a never ending sleep over... a lot of fun!

i miss some friends though... but i cant control how they feel, nor would i want to. eh.. it happens. i am very greatfull for the ones that stuck around anyway... you guys rock!

excited for this comming semester.. not excited about being up every day at like 6 am but what can you do

WOW im tired... probaly should sleep.

nighty night!

bre<3

i cant believe i wrote this...

i saw him yesterday. and i almost broke down and cried right there. i miss him like i would miss air, water, and pillow fights. for a while there i really thought we would be friends forever. when he told me i was the first person that he ever cared about, i never would have guessed this is how we would end up. but i guess it was not meant to be..  : (   when he ran up behind me and gave me a great big hug like he used to, i went back, back to caroling in zero degree weather, back to trick or treating in zero degree weather, back to the playoffs in zero degree weather. and every memory he was holding me, keeping me warm and safe from the cold world. i went back to the way things use to be, before we fell in love. with different people..

a heart broken friend.

and now we're together... finally.. and in love... increadibly happy. there is a God.. i do not doubt this. and he is great.

i saw a tree that was the exact color of your eyes the other day. it was beautiful. but it made me sad. it made me miss you.